Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
