Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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