Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
