She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
