drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
