Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
