So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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