im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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