fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
