I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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