Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
