I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
