I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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