i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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