Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
