I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
