I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
