I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
