Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
