He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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