i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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