the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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