I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
