I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Let's get the cat blown out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
