Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
