I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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