Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
