I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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