she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
