Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
