This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
