So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
