Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Randomize
