Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
