I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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