He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
