Your tits are I can't wait for
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
