He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
