Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
