i think my tv is drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
