I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
