I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
