Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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