Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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