I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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