You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize