around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
