Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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