Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
