he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
