He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
