Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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