Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize