I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
