My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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