Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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