omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
