I'm going to jail i love you
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
