Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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