If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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