I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
