she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
