My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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