I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
