so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
