her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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