I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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