I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
