I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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