Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
