Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
