Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
