So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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