Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
