I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
