So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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