Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
